My stay at home mama journey passed the two year mark in December, and I’ll keep saying it – what a journey it’s been!
Choosing to stay home with your kids or choosing to have a full time career remains the personal decision of every woman with kids. Sometimes I feel people forget that either decision deserves respect with no explanations.
We don’t need to voice our reasons behind the decisions we make. I do because I blog about being a stay at home mama but it doesn’t mean it’s a welcome mat for people to ask the most ridiculous questions under the sun.
I use to take some offense whenever someone would ask me questions about being a stay at home mama as well as about how the decision was affecting my life.
Affecting my life? How? Because I stay at home, raising my kids? Does that mean my life is now ruined?
I THINK NOT!
I get everyone has an opinion and I get some people can’t resist to drop a shocking statement but sometimes you need to know when to shut it up.
When I started staying home with the boys, a lot of people that knew me had questions. Questions that made me feel uncomfortable and guilty. It felt like I had to constantly justify my choices.
I would stutter out a few answers that didn’t always make sense or I would just smile and keep quiet.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t want to respond. I just never use to be someone that stood up for myself. I would rather avoid or change subjects in order to keep the peace.
The only person I was kicking in the butt was myself. By not being about to stand up for myself, I allowed people to walk over me in all aspects of life.
After completing a few compulsory courses on assertiveness during my Vista clinic stay I discovered how much confidence I lacked and how much I needed to build it up again.
Why did I need to compromise each time to keep someone else happy, someone who was offending me, and allowing myself to be a doormat?
So I stopped keeping quiet. I’m not rude or anything when people ask me certain questions they shouldn’t… but I don’t draw back into myself anymore and pretend that everything is good.
So here are some things you don’t get to say to me or any other stay at home mamas.
How much does your husband make?
What business is that of anyone how much income everyone else makes? It’s not okay to ask anyone that so don’t!
Why don’t you get to everything in one day?
Because tiny humans run my day most of the time. They need, they want, they demand.
Don’t you have career goals?
Whether I have any or not makes no difference to you or your life.
What do you do all day?
Listen to kids whine, kiss boo-boos better, go to the bathroom with an audience, eat cold food, depend on coffee, try to maintain a clean house. That pretty much sums it up.
When are you going back to work?
When I decide to. End of story.
How do you relax?
Relax? I didn’t realise this was a vacation?
Why are you tired?
Because I’m a stay at home mama, that’s why!
What do you do during your free time?
Try to take a bath that’s not 5minutes short and eat a meal that none of my kids tried to claim as theirs.
You don’t work, how would you understand?
I might not work, but I’m still a mama, we’re all able to relate on some level to each other.
Don’t you ever get bored being at home with your kids?
I wish I still knew what the meaning of the word bored is.
Do you know how many mamas would love to stay at home?
Just because I mentioned that I haven’t had a moment to myself in weeks or that my kids have been testing my patience with their constant fighting over trivial things, doesn’t mean I’m not grateful about being able to stay home with them.
Does your husband let you (enter option here)?
Just because my husband is the only one that brings home an income doesn’t mean he owns me now. I don’t ask for permission for anything, I discuss things that I’d like to do or where I want to go with him because it’s the respectable thing to do.
Shouldn’t your home be cleaner?
I wish that was a possibility. Come and spend a day with my schedule and we’ll talk about this again.
Aren’t you setting a bad example for your kids?
What bad example is that, exactly?
Since you’re at home, could you (enter text here)?
Just because I’m at home, doesn’t mean I have an unlimited amount of time on my hands to do favours for others. In all honesty, if I did have the extra time, I’d be selfish and use it for myself.
How many inappropriate and uncomfortable questions have you been asked as a stay at home mama?