Since becoming a mama of three, I’ve come ‘under fire‘ from all kinds of comments.
I got a couple as well when we found out that we were expecting another boy and honestly, it wasn’t a fun time, especially because of the emotions I was already dealing with.
I think that when someone drops a comment, they probably do it with the best intentions in their mind, although you will find those that are outright sarcastic. Over time, I got use to hearing them. It didn’t mean that certain comments didn’t hurt anymore, but I managed to suppress any emotions I felt in that moment.
Having three kids now, I’m getting a lot of new comments. Ten months into being a mama of three, and I’m still not used to strangers walking past me and mentioning something about it.
Every weekend, the kids and I head off to do our weekly grocery shopping. Every weekend brings a comment my way from random shoppers. Whether I’m standing, scanning my grocery list. Or walking and breastfeeding Cay or busy paying. It’s like I’m an easy target for people to share their opinions.
I try to get out of the situation as quickly as possible because, as I said, some of the comments are sarcastic, and I have to fight urge to respond in the same way, because you get fed up. You get fed up with smiling in response because they do when they speak. You get tired of thinking of responses in your head to what they say. And when it happens every weekend, you get tired of it altogether.
The shopping trip usually starts off with all three kids in the trolley. I’ll notice people looking at my kids then at me and smiling. No comments, unless the occasional ‘They’re cute!’. As the shopping goes on, one by one, the boys need to get out of the trolley because of space issues and the possibility of crushing items in the trolley. As we approach the cashiers, Cay is usually in my arms with the boys tagging on my sides. I often wonder what it must look like to people that see us: me pushing a trolley with one hand and one foot to steer the direction, and three kids. It must be magnet: an open door to drop an opinion on me.
In fact, it’s not just confined to strangers. Some people that we know, that we randomly bump into at places, also have a few things to say. I often wonder if they do it because they have nothing else to say. I mean, of all the possible conversations to have, why draw attention to how many kids I have and why say things that make it sound like it’s a judgement?
Here are the things I’ve been told as a mama of three and I hope that overtime I won’t hear any new ones:
You’ve been busy
This is the most common one I’ve had said to me. And I don’t always understand why the phrase is accompanied with a giggle or a laugh. Why are you giggling about how much sex I’ve had to have three kids, unless ‘busy‘ in this instance means something else? Why are we even talking about that? Should we discuss your sex life as well to make it less awkward? Although I doubt it would be the case. A woman with one kid, standing behind me in the queue, dropped this comment on me and laughed, and I had bite my tongue to not answer her with ‘I guess you haven’t been?’ or ‘Yeah, hubby just can’t keep his hands off me’. If we’re going for awkward, why not just go all the way?
Are you having more?
Why is that anyone’s business? Besides the fact that we aren’t, what value does asking that bring to the person asking it? Is it a discreet way to say I’ve got enough kids as I’ve got my hands full already and shouldn’t have more? Why do you ask this??
Are they all yours?
Besides the fact that my kids are light-haired and draw more features of Hubby Byren, it’s already a mission to go and do groceries with my own kids, I’m not crazy enough to let other people’s kids tag along on the outing. It’s also not uncommon for people to have three kids or more, so why ask if they are all mine? Don’t I look like a mama??
You don’t look like a mama of three
Thank you, I guess? And at the same time, excuse you! What is a mama suppose to look like? And a mama of three for that matter? Constantly flustered? Screaming at her kids? Hair in a mess? Mama jeans? What look should I be rocking to look like a mama of three?
At least it’s not all boys.
This takes me back to the comments I got when we only had the boys, and people felt the need to share their opinions about that fact. All boys, or all girls, or a mix of both. Why does it matter to you? Why mention it?
Can I give you a hand?
Another magnet to people thinking that I need help. I get it. Maybe I do look like I’m flustered to another person, or struggling? However, while I appreciate the gesture, and it coming from a good heart, I’m good. I do it each week, I’ve got a system. Last week, one of the managers asked one of the shop assistants to help me get our trolley to the cashiers. It was a good gesture from their side, but in all honesty, it felt funny, like I couldn’t do things on my own. And guess who came to stand behind me in the queue? The woman with the one kid. And there was another open door to getting a comment.
How does it feel?
What? Having three kids? Feeling like mind is on 50 different levels at the same time? Insane. Amazing. Stressful. I can’t describe it even with those three words because it’s so much more. A couple with two kids asked me this because they were thinking of having another baby. I’ll say what I told them: you know best if you will be able to have another baby. You know your situation and on that you can base your decision. My personal experiences won’t help you make that decision because we’re all different.
You look tired
I hate the Captain Obvious comments, guys. Of course I look tired. I don’t just look tired, I AM tired. I have three kids. I’m constantly busy, constantly needed and constantly battling a new challenge in the road. This is currently my natural state. My life. Again, it’s obvious but it doesn’t need to be highlighted and pointed out to me.
So there you have it, some of the things I deal with on top of parenting challenges. I’m sure as time goes, I’ll still hear fresh comments and I’ll update the list as they come in.
Mamas of three, how many comments have you gotten? Heard any that weren’t on the list? Let me know!