Yes, you read that title right!
The one that has been repeatedly mentioning that she wants to breastfeed for a year is having second thoughts.
Well, not really second thoughts, I’m still going to push for a year, but it doesn’t mean there haven’t been some moments where I’ve thought of stopping and switching to formula feeding.
I know, I know… Why ‘complain‘ about something you’re going to do anyway, right?
I LOVE that I’ve been able to breastfeed Cay for so long, we’ve just passed six months and I haven’t had any issues with milk supply, but I’m always thinking about it.
Do I have enough? Is it still carrying all the necessary nutrients to her? Am I eating the right food to keep the milk supply up? How will my exercising affect my supply? She’s eating three times a day now, how do I still include breastfeeding her without my supply dropping?
No matter how sure you are that you’ve done your research and chatted to other mamas, these thoughts never seem to go away. (But if you’ve found a way to get rid of them, do let me know!).
I have another six months to go before I wean Cay off the boobs but I’ve had some thoughts about why I would think about doing it earlier.
As soon as my milk supply stabilized at around three months, Cay started giving a good five to six-hour stretch during the night before her next feed so I stopped dream feeding her as she was sleeping a lot better than before.
For the last few weeks, that has changed to her waking every three to four hours a night for a feed. Which means the extra sleep that I came to rely on so much has now gone and I’m definitely feeling the tiredness the next morning. I’ve thought that maybe, just maybe, if we switch to formula feeding, we’ll fall back into our old sleeping schedule and things will be a little easier then. Not to say that would happen, but wishful thinking?
Wine and sushi
I haven’t had either since the day I found out I was pregnant and I know lots of mamas have told me that it would be safe in small occasional quantities, I’ve steered clear of both… But the cravings, oh those damn cravings, are real. Hubby Byren has been considerate and not having any around me, except the few exceptions, and I take my hat off to him. Whenever we walk past a sushi stand or a wine rack, I resist the force to indulge, walk over to the baby aisle and buy formula (because it would be for my own selfish wants).
Teeth meet boobs
I’m dreading Cay getting teeth, and it’s probably going to happen soon as those gums are extra itchy lately, and I don’t know what’s lying in wait for me. She sometimes, I’m sure in thought, gums me while she feeds. It. Hurts. Like. Crazy! If that hurts, how will sharp-pointed objects feel??
Yep, some babies are quick feeders, and some are not… like Cay. She can easily build up an appetite and settle to feed for 30 minutes, while I need to juggle whatever I was busy with. Which sometimes happens when I’m cooking (rush to lower heat and remove pans), during our homeschool times (sorry boys, we’ll continue in a moment, right… when… she decides.. to stop squirming.. and drinks) and of course the times when you REALLY need to go to the bathroom (why, Murphy, why?).
Change of clothes
Currently, I revolve my clothing choices around tops that will help with making breastfeeding Cay easy and convenient. Which means that 80% of the clothes I own I haven’t even unpacked because they don’t allow easy access for breastfeeding. Last summer I didn’t get to wear them either because I was just over the edge of starting the third trimester and couldn’t fit into anything. I know it sounds so materialistic, but I really really miss variety, and wearing dresses!
I don’t need to juggle a baby alone
Cay feeds to fall asleep at night and I’m sometimes left rushing the bedtime routine for the boys because she’s starting to cry for me, and she’s cranky, and poor Hubby Byren has tried everything to calm her down until I can get to her. I sometimes wonder if the boys ever feel left out because most of my attention is focused on her needs, and I have to rush through the nighttime kisses and cuddles because she needs me. If I stopped breastfeeding, Hubby Byren would be able to help with feeding her and putting her to sleep at night because she wouldn’t be as attached to me as she now is and life would be a little easier.
Feeling a little normal again
I know it might sound silly, but I miss the time where I could keep my boobs inside my shirts and not having to worry about accidentally exposing them while we’re out and about somewhere. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural, but sometimes I miss my boobs being mine.
Even though I’ve listed all these reasons about why I’ve thought about stopping, none of them really scream for that action to be taken. I’ll push through to a year, and probably even shed a couple of tears about this season of my life being over.
Have you ever considered giving up on breastfeeding (besides low milk supply)? What were your reasons?