With the quick way that my labor progressed with Cay, I thought that my mind had hit a blank.
Everything was happening so fast, and nothing was going according to plan, and I didn’t think I had a moment to spare to think about anything other than the fact that I was in pain, pain that I never prepared myself for; emotionally, mentally and physically.
But I was wrong. Maybe it’s a woman thing or maybe I’m just an over-thinker (I’m leaning towards this explanation), but my mind had plenty of time to dwell in different thoughts.
Some were scary, some were funny, and others were just popping up because of the current situation.
So I thought I’d share these thoughts with you; from the moment I realized I was having contractions all the way to holding Cay for the first time in my arms.
While five hours might not seem like a long time when thinking of labor, to me, they felt like an eternity as I struggled to cope with the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life to date.
A little history lesson is necessary to create context..
I was scheduled for my cesarean on the 4th of April instead I gave birth on the 26th of March, naturally.
Waking up at 03H00
‘That’s a contraction!’
‘Why at this time of the morning again?!’
‘Is that pee or amniotic fluid???’
En route to the hospital
‘O.M.G. I think I might give birth in the car!!’
‘That’s definitely not pee..’
‘We’re not going to make it to the hospital!’
‘We’re going to meet our daughter today!’
Hospital and beyond
‘There’s more than enough time to get to theater.’
‘Where is my doctor?’
‘Where are my pain meds?’
‘I can’t deal with this pain.’
‘My water just broke!’
‘We need to get to the theater now!!!!’
‘Someone please help me!’
‘Why am I sobbing? I’m in fucking pain!’
‘What hell is this?!’
‘Where is my husband?’
‘Why would he need the bathroom NOW?’
‘I can’t do this.’
‘Why are you so mean to me???’
‘I didn’t shave down there!’
‘Oh crap, someone is going to have to shave me again!’
‘Why is the door to my room open?’
‘Are my legs shaved at least?’
‘Thank goodness, theater prep, almost there!!!’
‘Give birth now? Baby is coming… NOW???’
‘I’m not ready for this!!’
‘I’m a woman, I’m built for this.’
‘No, I’m definitely not ready.’
‘What if something goes wrong?’
‘You’re not my doctor! Who are you?’
‘O.M.G!! The baby is coming!!’
‘I won’t scream!’
‘I’m going to scream!’
‘I’m screaming and I don’t care if the door is open.’
‘I am fucking breathing!’
‘Sorry, I swore at you, but stop telling me what to do!’
‘I hate everyone in here right now, do you think this is easy???’
‘Am I pooping??’
‘Now would be a good time for that epidural.’
‘I’ll apologize later for all the swearing.’
‘I think I just tore in every direction.’
‘Thank goodness this is my last one.’
‘I AM pushing!!! Does it look like I’m having a good time right now???’
‘She’s out, it’s over.. I’m alive, she’s alive.. We made it.’
‘Hello, my baby girl. I have been waiting for you for a very long time.’