Random Thoughts

Things I Want My Sons to See in Our Marriage

I want my sons to have good marriages one day. I want them to find someone they can share the rest of their lives with… Loving their wives and being loved in return, caring for each other and building such a strong bond that nothing can shake it.

Up until a few months ago, I couldn’t say that there was anything we could teach our sons. Our marriage was hanging by a thread. It seemed like it had reached a point of no return: divorce has arrived at our door.

However, before we proceeded in making that decision, we took a week separation. We didn’t see each other at all and only spoke when completely necessary. It was one of the most difficult weeks that we had ever had and the trial separation paid off. During this time, we had time to reflect on our lives together… And also reflect on ourselves as individuals. Where had we gone wrong in our marriage together? Where did we fall short as individuals? How was this hurting our marriage?

After that week, we were drawn back together and worked through our issues with open honesty. It wasn’t easy. There were some points that I felt it was easier to walk away than face the truths we were dealing with. Yet we made it. And we’ve learned more about marriage in the last couple of months than in the last four years.

I’m so thankful for the fact that we could step up as mature adults and realise that we were meant to be together… And by not listening to each other and not working through problems in appropriate ways, we stood too close to the edge.

Today, I can say that we can teach our sons about marriage. We have learned the lessons. Lessons that sometimes take couples years and years to adjust to and embrace to have a thriving marriage.

With our new found marriage maturity, we have a few things that our sons can learn from us.

These are things I want our sons to see in our marriage….SPRINGTIME (1)

Making decisions

We make decisions together on everything, no matter how big or small the subject at hand is. It’s not because we can’t make decisions on our own, it’s because we respect each other and we respect each other’s perspectives and input.


Yes, we fight in front of our sons, but not the screaming and swearing fighting way we used to follow. I’m talking about a well-controlled argument. Where we still show each other respect, even though inside we might both want to explode. We do this in front of our sons for a reason, we don’t want them growing up and believing that there aren’t any problems when it comes to marriage and that everything is always perfect.

Showing affection

With the above said, just as we fight in front of our sons, we also make peace in front of them. It shows them that even though we fight, we still love each other and we have sorted our issues out. Even when we haven’t fully made peace or we haven’t finished our discussion, we will still hug so we don’t plant any thoughts of hate or dislike for each other in eyes of our sons.

Appreciating each other

Saying thank you; for working hard, for having clean clothing, for dinner, for just being the person you are. Teaching our sons to show appreciation for their toys or belongings is one thing, but showing appreciation to the other person seems like a big part of the deal as well.

Doing what makes you happy

Yes, when it comes to having kids, there’s rarely time for doing any of the things you enjoyed before having kids. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t make time for it. Even though we spend our time with our kids when everyone is home… We also show them that we are still individuals and we still do things that we enjoy doing on our own.

Having fun together

Even though we are tired from a day of working (or in my case, teaching and cleaning)… We still make time for each other, even if it’s a few minutes’ worth. We make fun of each other, we have tickle fights, we make jokes or we just cuddle, enjoying each other’s company. There are no excuses when it comes to spending a little time together, even when things are hectic around you or you’re both exhausted.

Over the years, there will be many more lessons we’ll be able to teach our sons. As we grow older and wiser, as we ourselves learn more about each other and ourselves, and grow stronger. At this time, these are the most important things I want our sons to see and experience and learn from. As time goes on, we will add more wisdom and understanding that one day, they can apply to their own marriages.

What do you want your children to see in your marriage?

This post was originally published on Tum2Tots Online.

16 thoughts on “Things I Want My Sons to See in Our Marriage

  1. Such an incredible personal and beautiful article. I cant thank you enough for sharing. For all
    people to know as well that all marriages go through phases, but it is even MORE important to have a healthy relationship for the sake of our children! I really enjoyed this.

  2. We’ve been married for nearly 15 years but nearly divorced around 4 years. We were closer to divorce than being married. All I needed was his signature, but by God’s Grace I believe prayers saved us from that disaster. Can I call it that? I’ve never looked back. I’ve never regretted my decision. We’ve faced many tuff times since but I know what I have and so does he. Lesson learnt.

    We have such big responsibilities as parents. With 2 boys and 2 girls it feels like we constantly have to teach our kids all the things you said but also there’s things only Barry can show the girls like their self-worth. It comes from the Dad. And on my side there’s certain things only I can teach them like their strength when dad’s not around and they have to man up although they only 3 and 5.

    Thank you for this post, it was a good reminder of where we’ve been but also where we still need to go.


    1. So very true! We realised what we had and what we were on the verge of losing!

      Each day, we try to be an example in every aspect to our kids, and we know it all starts at home!

  3. Hey there. I think this is a wonderful post. As a mom of a girl and boy, I often think about the things that I want to teach my children. I have realised that the way my husband and I behave as a couple has an immediate effect of the way my children treat others as well as each other. Great idea and well written!

    1. Thank you! We have a daughter on the way, and I’m hoping what we teach our sons on how to treat each other and respect each other will shine through on her as well 😊

  4. I am terrible with the making decisions part. I make decisions, offer money to people, take policies, buy things….and I tell him later. He always says to me: you didn’t think to ask me before you offered up our money away? I would have said yes, but it would be nice to be consulted.

    I think with my heart in the moment, and it’s something I really really need to work on.

    Great post!

    1. I know exactly what you’re talking about!
      We went through the same and it was one of our biggest issues. Now we consult, plan and work together on it 😊

  5. I love this post! It’s so important to realize that the way we are with each other, is seen by them and does have an impact. And I love all the things you’ve listed that you’d like them to see and learn from your two. x

    1. We don’t realise how we form their thoughts and patterns from such a young age, and how important it is to always be aware of what we are projecting.

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