Relationships and Marriage

Why I Don’t Believe in Love at First Sight


SPRINGTIME (3).pngIn honor of Byren and I starting our relationship today, seven years ago, I wanted to share some of views on love.

I was recently chatting to friends of mine who celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary in September. I’ve known them for a few years now but we never got around to talking about how they met.

I’m not a romantic person {and they know this} so when they told me their story, I didn’t really get the hype around it.

I’ll give you the short and sweet of it:

L was sitting in a tea garden, reading a novel when T walked passed and saw her. He realised they were both reading the same book and just knew he had to meet her. T then ran as fast as he could to a shop where he could buy flowers, all in fear of her leaving before he returned. He then approached her and struck up a conversation about the author of the book. L took one look at him and just knew he was the one she was going to marry one day.

They ended the story with, “It was love at first sight for both of us.”

They were engaged six months later and, and got married six month later. They added that both of them had fallen in love with the other when they saw them standing in front of them.

Now I get the whole soppy story {I summarised, it was 30 minutes long with all the finer detail}. I really do. But the ‘love at first sight’ part just didn’t stick with me. A few days later it was still bothering me, I just couldn’t grasp the concept of falling in love with someone before even hearing a single word escape their mouth. My friends stick to their story of falling in love right then and there and that’s fine, but I personally don’t think it’s possible.

I mean, surely, when we fall in love with someone, it’s after we have gotten to know them. When we get to see their true colors; with their faults and insecurities? And still love them just as much?

The word that seems to catch me off guard is ‘sight’. So technically speaking, you don’t fall in love with the person as a whole, you fall in love because of their looks. That’s all fair and well for some, but ever think about falling in love with a hot guy only find out later on when boundaries fall that is he is a complete narcissist and a complete ass? Or fall in love with a beautiful girl that turns out to be obsessive, borderline stalk-ish and loves putting other people down?
Still going to love them just as much?

I’ll be honest, when Byren and I first met, it was far from calling it ‘love at first sight’. Sure, I found him attractive but I also found him to be irritating as hell. The whole evening he was going on about himself and how he was the next thing since sliced bread. Being a down to earth person {if I was anymore down to earth, I would probably shoot roots from my feet}, I didn’t feel that like could be someone I could date, and eventually marry {joke was on me, we are married today hehe}. About a week later, on New Year’s Eve, we sort of hooked up but something just didn’t feel right afterwards. I remember having a chat with him about his future intentions concerning us. If he saw something long term or if this was just a casual fling. Still, there was no ‘love’ circling around us.

However, as we became comfortable with each other, and learning more about each other;294340_302591529753171_1548846432_n.jpg the feelings grew. When we hit hard waters and came out together on the other side, we realised what we meant to each other and our feelings for each other took a dive into the deep side. And we’ve been together even since.

To me, love at first sight truly means falling in love because of the way the person looks. And we all know that looks fade with time, and saggy skin and wrinkles take their permanent places on our bodies. So when those looks go, do you un-love at first sight of ageing?

Love is not justified by how a person looks from the outside. Love is by knowing what a person’s heart looks like; accepting their personality, along with all the flaws and short-comings. And still sticking with them through it all.

So no, I don’t believe in love at first sight. Not because I never got a chance to experience it, but because I don’t believe in fairy tales.

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