There are certain stages in your life when some situations cross your path, and at the end of it all, you walk away with a lesson learned. You walk away believing in assertive beliefs.
Here are the beliefs I stick to, thanks to experience and difficult curbs I had to cross in life.
Women should stand together and support one another.
It is scary how in today’s age, we as women still don’t stand together and support each other. I mean, is it not enough that a couple of years ago, women were considered to only be good enough to sit at home, cleaning all day and raising kids? Where women were not seen in a corporate working environment? Where it was a complete abomination for women to have an education, drive a car; own something of their own, bought with their own hard earned money?
It seems that realistically speaking, the concept hasn’t changed because we as women keep degrading each other. Not so much men. You still get your few here and there that just completely leave their rockets behind. But that’s not an excuse for us as women to follow on the same trail.
“Who raises their kids better? Who has better cutlery in their homes? Who drives a better car?”
Are these comparisons of such importance to us that we need to criticize each and every move women make? What has happened to the term “Sisterhood”? Where we stand together, in support and encouragement, appreciation and motivation, love and empathy?
The importance of knowing how and when to say NO.
This is something I had to teach myself over a couple of years. A couple of long years.
You see when you’re nice to the wrong people, and you’re always giving and lending a hand, those wrong people expect it all the time. They EXPECT it without question.
So when you say no to some or other request, you’re a bitch. No really, those wrong people will ride the Horse of Condemnation until eternity. When they’re eventually done with that, you’ll never hear from them again. In other words, you were just there to bring on their good times.
I had to separate myself from such people two years ago. I came across the understanding that these types of friendships are two way streets. You can’t just give and give all day long, and expect a simple thank you in return. No, you need to know that these same people will be there for you when you hit a bolder in life. The question you’re asking is did these people in my life ever do it? The answer is simple – no. Not once did they come to the rescue for even the little bit of time they could offer me, even just a shoulder to cry on.
When I started saying no, they seemed to just disappear into thin air, never to be heard from again. If some of your friendships are working on this concept, it’s time to cut them loose.
Open lines of communication are important for any successful relationship.
One of the most important lessons I learned in the last three years. See, I was prone to just make decisions (involving not just myself) on my own and then later on tell the person this and that was going down. All this concept brought me was a lot of fighting, then crying followed by boycotts. It wasn’t making me feel any better, of course.
I realised that I needed to bring upon some change because my marriage would fall apart with my lack of communication skills as well as friendships that wouldn’t withstand more disappointments.
Treating people the way you want to be treated is the key of life.
When I was about ten years old, I remember making a lot of noise with a bunch of friends outside of a church (it was after the service). One of the adults turned to me and told me to stop behaving like a hooligan. In turn, I retorted with, “You’re not my mother, you don’t tell me what to do.” Of course, my friend’s parents told my mom about the incident and I received a hiding as well as a talk. My told me that when I was one day a millionaire, people wouldn’t then tell me what to do.
As I think back to this moment, I think that my mom was actually trying to tell me that I needed to respect others (especially those much older that myself).
Today I see this concept completely differently. I believe in treating people with respect, no matter the age. Always remembering my P’s and Q’s. Delivering on the morals I believe it. However, this all has a limit from my side. I believe that respect is a two-way street, no matter the age. If you don’t respect me after all the time I spend respecting you, I’m going to have to reel in the line. I’m old enough to understand when someone is being an ass to me. I can choose who I respect, if I am treated with respect in return.
Making yourself happy should be one of your priorities.
With the busy lives we lead, we sometimes forget to think about ourselves. I mean, when was the last time you gave yourself some deserving “you-time”?
We are also always busy worrying about other people, indirectly putting their needs before our own. It becomes such a set routine in our lives that we don’t realise how we’re not taking care of ourselves.
I love helping others where I can. It’s in my nature to be a nurturer (I blame it on my empathy). But at some point, I needed to stand back and think about how much I do for myself? What do I do for myself? For my own happiness. I want to say it came across as a revelation when I realised how little I did for myself and how much I did for others. I changed my views on this matter over time, giving myself more attention and care. I can’t say that I regret any of those changes today.
Time heals all wounds.
There is so much truth in this cliche. Like too much truth, really.
When I talk about wounds, I don’t mean scars on the body but scars on our hearts. We all carry them with us wherever we go. We don’t realise how much we make ourselves suffer in the process. It’s like we choose to hurt.
But if you look at what caused those scars, and realise that you haven’t forgiven the person who gave you those scars, you will never give them a chance to heal properly, if not at all.
When we choose to forgive, even if it is done within ourselves, we choose to let ago and we choose to heal. Even if it takes a while.
If you complain about something, you better come up with a solution.
You have no right to complain about anything in your life if you’re not willing to make a change towards the situation. I mean, if you’re unhappy, and you complain then make sure you’re working on a plan to set things straight.
Otherwise you are stuck in a circle, and if keep going round and round, you have no reason to complain, because you then choose where you are.
You are able to leave a situation that you know doesn’t match your morals.
We all have morals and standards. We live up to these expectations we set for ourselves.
So if we find ourselves in a situation where these morals and standards are threatened, we need to question the situation. We need to remember who we are, and what we stand for, and if any situations make us feel uncomfortable or out of place, we have every right to say so. If it still causes an issue, walk away from that crowd.
Hard work always pays off.
Some might argue this but there’s a lot of truth to it.
See, if you’re persistent and you work hard, and you focus on your goals, you will reach them. Even if it takes a little longer and it feels as if every obstacle in existence is being thrown at you, don’t give up.
Take it from someone who knows.
My mom will always be my best friend.
No matter how hard life gets, I know I can always count on my mom. She has seen me through my worst and never turned away from me. She has helped me through my worse and has remained my rock.
A person sometimes forgets to appreciate who we have in our lives. Even when we know who we have, we must never forget to show and express the appreciation.