blog series · SAHM vs SAHD

Insight from Moms | Jonelle {Tyranny of Pink}


Name: JonelleJonelle close up
Age: 33
Child Age: 10months

1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?

Nope, I’m staying home out of personal choice. Being home with my baby was something I always knew was important to me.

2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you?

I really miss the routine of being around other people during the day. I didn’t even think that would be something that would matter but it can be quite lonely being home all day.

3. What is the hardest part?

Having to juggle everything. I work on several projects during the week and having to manage my time and actually stay motivated when it’s so easy to just stay in pyjamas all day can be really challenging.

4. What is your favourite part?

Being with my son is definitely the best part! I also love setting my own work hours and not being accountable to a boss. I do have to submit work with strict deadlines but I’m luckily really good at juggling things and keeping deadlines. I love the luxury of working during my own hours.

5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?

I think that after years and years at University, it surprised me that my ultimate goal was to be home with my son. Although he does have a nanny so that I can work during the day, it means so much to me to know that I can check in on him at any point during the day. I didn’t expect to grow up and be a work from home type person. I always saw myself as fiercely ambitious but then I decided to start a family and my priorities changed. Now success means something else to me – being happy and being with my family.

6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}

Sometimes I regret not having a steady income that I can rely on coming in at a certain time every month. Money has definitely been tighter but no, I don’t regret it for one second. I absolutely made the right choice.

7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?

Every morning when I wake up and get to spend time with my son is a reminder of why I’m home. I love being home with him. I love being there when he has lunch and knowing when he takes a nap. I’m definitely completely satisfied being at home.

8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?

I don’t actually think our relationship has changed much other than me being much less grumpy from working in an environment that makes me really unhappy. I’d say we are better off now that I don’t come home feeling like the life has been sucked from my soul.

9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?

No, none at all. I love that he works and I love that he has his thing that he goes off to do. I’d actually really hate to be the one who has to leave home every day while he sat home with the baby. I’d be super jealous. No resentment whatsoever!

10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?

Absolutely. Just because I’m a Stay-at- home-mom doesn’t mean I’m not his equal in all parts of our relationship. I still bring in money and I’m still a huge part of the decision making.

11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?

We share them. While I might be home all day, I also work and we are both exhausted at the end of the day. I just happen to do the dishes during the day because I can’t stand seeing them sitting there all day. Otherwise, we are totally equal.

12. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents?

I think people should do what makes them happy and if either parent wants to stay home, then by all means do it. What matters is that it’s a decision both of you make together. Obviously deciding to stay home without working is unfair if only one person has to bring in all the income and the relationship becomes strained from that. It needs to be something you decide together and there are no rules that say only women can be stay at home parents.

13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?

I would never marry someone who would make those kinds of demands on me at all but I guess when you marry someone who expects that, you’re okay with that? Maybe? I don’t know but it definitely isn’t something that anyone would be able to decide for me.

14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?

Seriously consider the reasons for staying home and what that means financially and how it will affect your partnership. If you will still be bringing in an income then go for it but if you’re not going to be financially independent, make sure that your partner doesn’t resent you and definitely think about what not earning an income would mean if your relationship had to go south. A lot of women end up in situations where they haven’t worked for a long time and have no way of supporting themselves without their partners. Make sure you think about the future but if being home is your dream, do it. Ignore the nay-sayers who put pressure on women to be out there climbing the corporate ladder. In my opinion, Feminism gives women the power of choice, even if that choice is to stay home and be a mom.

Jonelle and Oden

Blog Bio: Tyranny of Pink is an inspirational lifestyle and parenting blog about Being Unapologetically You.  It’s about being true to your self, about accepting who you are and taking ownership of your experiences by making the choice to live positively and purposefully. In September 2015, Jonelle went into labour and ended up in a coma and nearly dying. In 8 months, she had 6 surgeries and became an Ostomate all while figuring out being a new mom to her son Oden. She writes about her experiences with a positive mindset and aims to inspire people to live life without regret.
http://tyrannyofpink.com/ 

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