blog series · SAHM vs SAHD

Insight from Moms | Adelheid Manefeldt


Name: Adelheid Manefeldt12728807_10153292895161283_3825403986888393199_n
Age: 33
Child Age: 14 and 9

1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?

No, I wanted a job which allowed me to work from home.

2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you?

How much higher the expectations are of you and how much harder you need to work to prove yourself.

3. What is the hardest part?

Balancing my work with household duties and my kids’ extracurricular activities is quite hard. Also, the household duties are a nightmare!

4. What is your favourite part?

Being able to be here for my children. Not having to dress up for work or play office politics all day. I drive through to Hermanus from Cape Town once a week, and the drive there and back is great for clearing my head.

5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?

I am actually able to manage my time and schedule – I used to think I’m completely scatterbrained. Also, although I am a bit of a loner and like to work on my own, working from home has made me realise that I need more social interaction.

6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}

At times I feel I need more social interaction. I also miss out on a lot of things happening at work and feel left out. I compensate by being extremely active on social media spaces where I get to interact with other people..

7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?

Yes. In general I think this was the best choice for me.

8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?

I think the social isolation of working from home sometimes makes me desperate for connection – it makes one slightly needy, which could burden a relationship.

9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?

No, although I sometimes envy the connection he has with his colleagues as well as the socials at work.

10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?

We have completely separate finances, I cover certain expenses while he covers others.

11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?

I need to do household duties during the day, which is a bit of a burden, but he helps out after hours and on weekends. My kids have certain chores they need to do around the house.

12. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents?

No, anyone can stay at home. It’s more to do with your personality than gender. You need to be strong enough and stable enough to be able to do this and it’s a deeply personal decision.

13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?

Absolute hogwash. Men should not be prescribing anything to their wives. If the relationship is at such a stage where people are placing demands on each other which drastically change their social lives or career paths then the relationship isn’t healthy. It needs to be a mutual decision. Besides, kids are resilient – they can adapt and they also need to experience new things and interact with other people. What’s best for them is that their parents are well adapted and happy.

14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?

You need to have other hobbies or work – don’t let your entire life revolve around your household duties and your children. Try to get someone to help with the household duties if you have other commitments. Get out of the house – if you work, there are shared office spaces and areas with free Wi-Fi you can use. Set up a daily schedule as guideline and try to stick to it – this will also help you when you get back into the job market. Continue studying and learning.

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I’m a full-time working mom who just happens to work from home four days a week. I’m a copywriter during the day and do freelance work as well as fine art after hours and on weekends. In my spare time I write books, do all sorts of courses and spend time with my family.
Professional blog: https://www.cashkows.com/blog/
Personal blog: http://www.adelheidmanefeldt.com/blog
Social media handle: @zookuki
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