blog series · SAHM vs SAHD

Insight from Moms | Angela Howell


Name: Angela Howell13726642_10153531607161626_8507064287350354321_n

Age: 27
Child Age: 18 Months (I am 23 weeks pregnant with our second child)

1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?

No. It was a big decision to make. I was working at a big consulting company. Before I was pregnant I would go into work between 6 and 7 in the morning and leave between 6 and 7 at night. Long hours is what I was used to. Then when our daughter arrived I couldn’t do those times anymore. I had to drop her off at crèche and pick her up again. So my times  changed from 8 to 3. Catching up on work when she is asleep.

Both my Husband and my parents stay in the Free State. This meant we had no support system in place for is something went wrong. And something went wrong once a week. Our daughter would get ill at school. I would get a call from the teacher telling me she has a fever and I need to come fetch her now. What do you do? You drop everything at work and rush to take her to the doc. This left my co-workers under pressure as they had to pick up for me. After 6 months, multiple tears, budget sums and a constantly sick baby from the crèche, we made the decision that I should resign and be at stay at home Mommy. In that time I already started my baby and toddler clothing and accessories business. So it could help with some financial relief.

2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you?

My daughter got over her constant blocked nose and coughing. She laughed more, interacted more. When she was in crèche they put her in the bigger class (apparently because she was a January baby and the others were smaller she was a bit too much for her to handle) and there they bullied her there. I would fetch her and she would be in a cot crying to come out and play. When I asked what the reason was for her being in the cot, I was told it was because every time someone opened the door she would crawl out to play outside. How ridiculous can a teacher be? She ate better and started talking and learning more and more.

This is when my husband said our second child won’t even know what a crèche is.

3. What is the hardest part?

Not having those 5 minutes to just sit back and enjoy a coffee and some me time. Because I resigned we had to let our helper go, so I do all the laundry, cleaning, dishes, etc. And still run my business while raising our daughter.

Now I am 23 month pregnant. It gets a bit much.

4. What is your favourite part?

Watching my daughter grow into the little person she will one day be. And taking the credit for it. It isn’t a teacher raising her. Her parents are raising her. I am showing her how to build puzzles, count, sing, run and colour. Not another lady.

5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?

I am that good. I am the best. I actually can achieve all the things I want to do. I have always thought of my work as normal, but I was shown that my work is truly unique and loved.

I have found my passion.

6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}

There are days when the bills come through and I think to myself, maybe I should go back to work. And I regret it for a split second. But then I think about the stress, pain, issues and how I will miss my daughter and I go back to playing dress up with my little girl. Somehow these things sort themselves out.

7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?

Very satisfied. I found my passion. My relationship with my husband isn’t under pressure anymore. My daughter knows what a family is. She sees how happy we are, and how happy she makes us. We are laying the foundation for her future. And that is the most important part.

8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?

Hahaha, I didn’t see this question here, I actually just answered it in Question nr 7. It has gotten so much better. Working those hours, and constantly taking leave from work to be with our sick daughter was putting some serious strain on our relationship. The moment I resigned and turned into my boss, the only pressure was the pressure I put on myself. And my husband and I have been happy ever since.

I sometimes feel like I am putting him under pressure for being the only working parent, but when I ask him if he needs me to go back to work he says our daughter is my Job and he wants it no other way. Isn’t he just awesome???

9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?

No. Never. The only thing I feel is guilty. And he tells me not to. I really just feel so bad that he has to work so hard to support us and I am at home. But when I talk to him about it he says he wouldn’t want it any other way.

10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?

His money is our money. So is my money. We don’t see his income as only his.

11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?

I do most of it, but sometimes, like over weekends, he will jump into the kitchen and give it a good clean. He irons his own clothes too.

12. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents?

If a Dad can handle a diaper explosion and keep his cool without vomiting, if a Dad can do the dishes, sweep, do laundry and make the bed with an 18 month old running around like a tornado behind you, If a Dad can sing and dance along with Mickey Mouse Club house and act all cookie to entertain, then no, not only moms can be stay at home parents. Fathers are very capable of being awesome stay at home parents. I actually think they will be more fun.

On that note… Public places should start making baby changing rooms separate from the ladies bathrooms. Some places have this already, but it needs to be around more. This way Fathers can also change nappies.

13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?

Not all woman are built to be full time mothers, just like not all woman are meant to be in cubicles. I myself am more of an artsy fartsy type, so the office was a bit of an emotional demp. Being a stay at home mom means I can be who I am.

This also counts for the opposite, forcing a mother to be a stay at home mother, when her passion is in business will crush her emotionally too. SO I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship, or situation like that. It is like forcing me to go back to a cubicle after I have gone all modern hippy. Just not happening.

14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?

Do your budgets, see where you can make some cuts. Being a stay at home mom means less luxuries in order to provide for your children. If you fall short of cash look into something that can supplement you. Any type of work from home marketing. There are so many options, from beauty products, to children accessories that provide these options. All you need is a computer and internet. This does require some late night working, but it pays off.

I am a wife to a wonderful husband, mother to a gorgeous little 18month old
girl and a little boy that will arrive in November, creator and blogger. My home
is my office and nothing is better than that. I am a proper artsy-fartsy- hippy-
mommy. And that reflects in my work. I have a passion to create and a deep love for giving.
Owner – Momma Owl
I hand make baby and toddler clothes and accessories.
https://www.facebook.com/MommaOwlSA/
Owner and blogger – Lessons from our Children
I blog about the daily lessons our children teach us, that we as adults sometimes forget.
https://www.facebook.com/lessonsfromourchildren/?fref=ts
Creator and Owner – The Mommy Share Room
Free Platform where moms can sell their products. Doing a ‘Give and Get’ event in August, where mothers who no longer need items give them to moms who need them but can’t afford them. Very excited for this.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/433889193480281/
Creator and Owner – Mothers of girls
I was looking for a group that could give me some gilry advice, but I could only find groups for mothers of boys. SO I created this group 3 days ago. Already doing great. Also a platform where other SAHM can advertise their goods for free.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1650159341977869/
Re-seller – Seven days later – Five kilograms less
This isn’t a magic pill that makes you thin. It is a meal and exercise plan that helps you lose fat in a healthy and natural way. Perfect for breastfeeding mothers.
https://www.facebook.com/Seven-days-later-Five-Kilograms-less-1063106900378409/
Advertisements

One thought on “Insight from Moms | Angela Howell

Share Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s