blog series · SAHM vs SAHD

Insight from Moms | Natalee Holmes


 

Name: Natalee Holmesnah profile photo
Age: 42
Child Age: 10, 13, 16

1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?

No, by choice.

2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you?

How busy it is and how difficult it can be. It is more emotionally draining than any other career I have had. And I work from home too so I just never get time off. And no sick days are possible.

3. What is the hardest part?

Balancing everything, and then making time for myself. I struggle to remember to do that and end up quite run down at times. I always try to remember the analogy on the aeroplane.. put your oxygen mask on before you help anyone else.

4. What is your favourite part?

Being around for my kids’ life. I am watching them grow, seeing their milestones and accomplishments and sports and all the little things that happen in their life that are big things.

5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?

I feel guilty about everything and am too hard on myself. I am learning to let go and just live in the moment instead of thinking and planning, because if I don’t, then I don’t get to enjoy what I am doing anyway.

6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}

Financially it has put a burden on us that could easily be relieved if I went back to corporate work, but my kids are growing so quickly, I’d hate to miss it. So for now we make sacrifices and most times it’s totally worth it.

7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?

Most days. Sometimes it’s thankless and frustrating, but I wouldn’t change it.

8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?

He understands how I feel and recognises that I gave up a career for our family, so he is appreciative and always allows me to have time out if I need it or supports me when I do have work to finish that I haven’t been able to do during the day.

9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?

Sometimes of his freedom. But it was a joint decision and he works hard to provide. He sometimes would like to swap positions too.

10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?

Yes. I manage the finances more than him actually.

11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?

I do most of it. And at times I resent that. But then I speak to him about it and he becomes more involved. It’s a tricky thing.

12. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents?

Not at all.

13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?

I think the same of any man that demands anything from a partner. They are bullies and should not be given in to.

14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?

It’s hard. And it can be unrewarding on a daily basis, but the overall effect is so rewarding. I am not saying moms who work don’t have this, but if this works for you and for your family and it is something you want to do, then go for it. Be patient. And learn to just enjoy the little things, because one day when you look back, you will realise they are the big things and the ones that mattered most. My kids still remember crazy memories that at the time were not even me trying to make a memory, but now they are and that is what ties us together so tightly. Which is something anyone can do, not just SAHM.

Natalee Holmes founded Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) of South Africa because she is passionate about parenting and helping parents realise their dreams of being great parents.
She began her career as a Certified Parent Educator and Parenting Coach on the RCB of the Lehigh Valley team in Allentown, Pennsylvania, where she lived for seven and a half years.

Find Natalee here – http://www.nataleeholmes.com/blog/

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