Random Thoughts

To the Mom who Judged My Kid’s Clothes


20160329_175012I went Winter shopping for the boys this weekend. Taking Monster with me, we made it an outing experience.

We compared jerseys to each other, commented on the colours and bought the ones he liked the most. Monster really enjoyed making decisions on his own items and seemed impressed with some of his new t-shirts with his favourite action figures.

While standing in the aisle at PnP to pay for some last minute groceries, I noticed you standing behind me with your teenage son and pre-schooler, staring at the parcel in my hand. I didn’t think to give it much thought and carried on chatting to Monster.

Your words at me were, “Winter shopping time, hey.” I smiled and nodded in response. She smiled back at me and remained silent. I turned back to Monster as he showed off his brand new cars to me.

The next thing you said to me tilted my world off its axle.

“Why do you shop at such a shitty place, if I may ask?”

I realised you were staring at the parcel in my hand which said PEP on the plastic bag. I was so taken back that I failed to respond. I was humiliated and furious at the same time. I don’t know if you took my pause as a failure of excuses because your next action was leaning down to Monsters level and saying, “You should ask your mommy to buy you better clothes.” Your teenager laughed. You laughed.

My face was burning from embarrassment. Again, I failed to respond. I didn’t trust myself talking because I would’ve probably ended up being thrown out of the shop with what I wanted to say.

The only response I could eventually muster was, “I buy what I can on the budget I have.” As the words left my mouth, I felt even more humiliated that I needed to make excuses.

You laughed at me again. “Maybe you should prioritise your budget better.”

“Yeah, maybe I should” was all I could say and I turned away. I didn’t look back to see the smug expression on your face. I didn’t dare look back so I could allow myself to burst into tears.

You didn’t stop there. It was like poison pouring out of your mouth. “Why is your child wearing what clearly seems like clothes that are too big for him?” I was ready with a response this time, with no excuses but the truth, “I buy a size bigger so it lasts longer that just one season.”

You laughed again. You leaned down to Monster again and said, “Shame, your mommy really enjoys embarrassing you.”

I didn’t even think about responding to your comment. I turned away and stared dead ahead. I didn’t want to hear anymore. You had said enough to shatter my confidence in being a mother, and you made me doubt myself. You made me look like a fool in a public place with so many other ears listening around us.

If things couldn’t get worse, I realised in the parking area that we weren’t parked from each other and I know you saw me get into my shabby 2004 model car while you rode off in your house-size SUV. I just imagined what you could’ve said to me if you standing next to me.

Throughout the rest of day, your comments bothered me. Was I a bad mother for not being able to buy my kid expensive brands? Was that the level that passed for being a good parent? Expensive clothes?

My slate was wiped cleaned when my Monster was getting ready for bed. When my Monster hugged me and said “I love you, Mami”, everything you had said earlier washed away. With those four words, my son confirmed that I was a great mom.

My almost four-year-old son doesn’t care about expensive clothes or expensive cars. You see, I don’t raise my children to “see” money. My son doesn’t know the difference between a jersey bought from PEP for R50 and a jersey from Woolworths for R250. He knows the jersey keeps him warm and the rest doesn’t matter to him.

I want to thank you. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to what living in a materialistic world means. It means money buys love. It means that money buys respect. It means money makes people bitchy and rude. It means it allows people to judge others who have less. It means money somehow makes people think they are allowed to walk over others.

I want to thank you for making me see that the way I raise my kids is right. I don’t raise them to be focused on money. I don’t want them thinking and living as if money is the most important aspect of happiness.

I want to thank you for making me realising I’m not a bad mom.

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219 thoughts on “To the Mom who Judged My Kid’s Clothes

  1. Women comment was out of order but did not proof her wealth. If she is so reach what the hell was she doing in P&P?
    Wearing clothing which she pays off for years, stupid idiot.
    I buy in pep I think they really have great staff.
    As for your comment to her….well sorry sweetheart but you need to develop a very important skill of standing up for your self.
    If you are not gonna do it who will?
    You are a fantastic great mum but sometimes fantastic great mum needs to know how to defend herself and not allow such a low class being offending you or family…And use of sarcasm is best medicine for such a small minded people like that idiot.
    Remember you are great and never ever allow shitheads to doubt yourself.

  2. Why buy expensive clothes when kids grow out of them in a few months? PEP has lovely clothes for kids, and they last just fine. I can afford to shop at Naartjie, but my self-esteem doesn’t hinge off the clothing my kids wear.

  3. I shop in PEP, Ackermans and whatever is cheap. i’m a full time working single mother with no support from the father. There is NOTHING wrong with these shops! kids grows too fast. My daughter knows, beggars can’t be choosers. i would have also been thrown out if i open my mouth to that mad lady!

  4. I somehow discovered this piece of gold as I was surfing the net(something I do on a daily basis, I do have a life though;)). Anyway, Annie, take it from a 20 year old guy who had a younger sister and a single mother. You are one of thee BEST moms out there!!! And as you said, money does not matter, it’s all about what you teach them and how you raise them. And evidently, that women that said all those things does not know anything about love, respect and integrity. Big respect to you for handling it so smoothly. STAY AWESOME!!

  5. Well, i can only tell you what my response as an onlooker would’ve been like. I would not have been appalled by your shopping choice. I would have looked at her with the distain she deserved… i would’ve seen her as a bad example to her children. Her big car and nasty comments would have showed her up as a Bully. You reacted with dignity and kindness and that is a lesson I would prefer my children to witness. I would prefer my children to follow my example especially when the altenative is so blatantly shoved in their faces. I would have identified the “lady’s” behaviour as an example of how a Bully behaves so that they will always have a yard stick to measure to in future. Your anger was justfied but I’m glad you didn’t give your power of selfcontrol away to a person who’s future will always be marred by her unfortunate attitude.
    You are the kind of mom who will raise a child who makes a real difference in the world. I applaude you… Well done !!

  6. What a bitch!

    Shopping for cheap clothes for youngsters is a great idea because A) they grow out of them so quickly and B) boys in particular trash their clothes because they are boys, they get dirty.

    I see my son growing and know that he’ll become fashion conscious one day, but I’m not going to be the one to push him in that regard.

  7. What a complete BIATCH!!! She’s probably the kind who gives her teen kid R500.00 on a Friday to ‘get out of her hair” not knowing or caring frankly, that he’s using it for things other than ‘movies”… Don’t worry, I also shop at PEP for my little one and he too will grow up being unmaterialistic…

    1. Wow, what a cheap, sad and low blow, the good thing is, it saying tons about her, .. she is such a grown-up junior in thinking and behaviour. On a lighter note, my son discovered in his early teen years that the “P.E.P boutique “I trusted so much was PEP stores. He had a long sleeve T shirt which he loved and adored until his friends humorously pointed at it in the window of one the PEP shops. Of course they ridiculed him and he wanted nothing from that label for a while. Today 15 years later, that T shirt is still his favourite, in tact, it seems to stretch with him as he grows. He laughs at himself and it is one his best “mom” jokes he tells each time an opportunity arises. Chin up girl!!

  8. A friend of mine who ran a clothing factory in Cape Town once explained that buyers for particular clothing chains such as Woolworths source clothing from factories, and then add their label. These same items are purchased by other clothing chains, such as Peps for example. Therefore they are often the same item of clothing; the only difference is that one will come with a label and a hefty price tag.

  9. My daughters are 19, 21 and 22 and I have always bought their clothes from Mr Price. The oldest has just completed her degree in Fashion Management but still understands that price is more often than not the single criteria determining where I shop and until she can afford to buy from other shops will continue to buy her own clothes there. That silly woman should be ashamed of herself for thinking that she has a right to judge anyone on material goods, her poor kids having to grow up with her as an example.

  10. You should have told her that not every woman earns her money by lying on her back. Probably her only skill. Those that choose to spend theirs and their husbands’ money more considerately, deserve praise not ridicule. My wife is a stay at home mom and I earn a rather good salary, yet I do not feel embarassed to go into PEP with my wife to shop for our 2 girls, often. Most of those big barges are bought on credit anyway. I bet your car is paid off already. Big ups to you. Just think, that while you’ll be smiling at your monster after having completed his doctorate degree years from now, she will be hopping from one drug den to the other looking for her “boy”.

  11. Should have asked why is she buying at PnP. I would have just lost it and she would have ran out crying after the words I would have used. All you do now is learn from this. Next time don’t stand back when someone does this. BUT Lift up your head because you have nothing to be shamed about. I don’t know you at all but if you enjoy taking your kid for shopping you love your kid 🙂 That’s the biggest part of what they need. So don’t even worry about this. Rather tell your kid he should respect people and don’t be like this woman.

  12. You shouldn’t worry about what some pretentious know-it-all mother has to say about what clothing you buy for your kid. Regardless of budget children would tear right through a new shirt faster than what you can replace it. If she wants her preppy little toddler to get paint all over his R250 woolworths shirt then good for her.

    The world won’t be kind to people like that when they lose their fortunes and suddenly have kids who are used to brands and now can’t wear them. Stuff her.

    I can afford woolworths but you what… I buy my kids clothes from Pep because we’re having to buy a whole new size every single year! They don’t stop growing! Winter clothes are insanely expensive and they do only wear them for a season. I can buy 5 shirts from pep for the price of 1 shirt at woolworths! Bonus!

    That mother is disgusting! Shame on her for the lessons that she is teaching her children. Keep buying the clothes you want for your monster. We all know who will end up happier

    X

  13. I am is awe of your mom- skills! And by the way, I live is Dubai. My friends call me the “bargain hunter” and when we visit SA PEP is hugh up my bargain list for m kids!! Give yourself a pat on the back for going shopping with you “Monster” (also my kids nicknames) and being able to have fun and laugh with him. And then, feel sorry for that materialistic B…. Because she is going to have such a hard time when her pricetag goes on sale in her kids’ eyes! Really, your world is much bigger and have way more love and life in than hers!!

  14. My parents did not have much when we were children and my mom tells me that there were times when she thought that our clothing wasn’t sufficient for winter but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. I don’t remember any of that. I don’t remember ever being cold or feeling like I was lacking. What I do remember was having fun with my brothers and sister, feeling secure and loved and happy because my parents did the best that they could. Because material possessions weren’t the most important thing to them, it wasn’t important to me. I think you are doing something wonderful with your child by having fun with him and loving him. He obviously feels very secure in what you give him and that’s all he needs.

  15. Wow this is shocking, and this shouldn’t even be about the stores you shop at. It’s the disgusting attitude of that woman. Why the hell does she feel the need to even comment on a strangers choices, and then to kneel down to your son and insult you, I would have grabbed onto her extensions and given her a piece of my mind. It’s absolutely no business of hers where you shop, I am so shocked that people have the nerve to speak that way to a complete stranger, totally uncalled for! So sad how a label on ones clothing can make someone feel superior to others.

  16. Should have responded, at the top of her voice: “Yech man! Shut your mouth… Your breath rééks. When last did you brush your teeth?”

  17. a very close family member of mine has a 2 year old and buys a lot of her clothes from PEP. It lasts and it’s cute. And screw that mom for her stupid comment. All it did really was show her intellect. Or lack thereof.

  18. I read everyone’s comments, this is not about where and what you buy, or what you have and don’t have!

    This woman is a bully and there is fundamentally something VERY wrong with her!

    9 reasons for bullying:
    1) The Bully Has Been Bullied Before
    2) The Bully Is Lonely
    3) The Bully Has Problems at Home
    4) The Bully Has Low Self-Esteem
    5) The Bully Is Jealous
    6) The Bully Is Part of a Pack
    7) The Bully Has a Big Ego – Some bullies don’t fit any of the above criteria. Their main motivation for bullying simply boils down to having a big ego. Their arrogance has made themselves believe that they’re the best thing since sliced bread. Until someone challenges them on this, they’ll continue to have the same frame of mind.
    8) The Bully Likes to Impress – Certain people wants to be the center of attention. We all know someone like that. There’s nothing wrong with that but a bully chooses to get that attention in the wrong way. They usually don’t have any particular talent or skills that can impress people so they have to poke fun at someone to get some laughs. Because of this, they feel that they’ve left a good impression among their peers.
    9) The Bully Sees You as Being Different

  19. The same thing always happen to me and with my friends, come to think about this it is wrong I always buys as many clothing as I can for each season and if I buy an expensive or designer item it should be a shoes cause I two girls and it should be for the older one so that the younger one would wear it. and I never saw a problem instead of worrying about expensive clothing I worrying about their investment for school and the house I am trying so hard to keep at this economic era. this woman is a BULLY and its has nothing to do with you

  20. I firstly want to say how sorry I am that you had to go through that experience. I find it hard to respond to people like that on the spot and think of all sorts of clever things to say after the moment has passed and it annoys me a lot. I think you showed a certain amount of grace for keeping quiet and not retaliating.

    I think she showed her worth by saying her stupid comments. She may be rich on the outside but to the world she sounds unintelligent as she continues to not mind her own business and judge people for making smart decisions on their child’s clothing. In my opinion, buying branded clothes for children who grow so quickly is not smart and it is even less smarter to do so when you cannot afford it. It is smart to save up for your child’s education and not squander it on useless outwardly THINGS. We all know that the best thing in life is not things. Children don’t care what they wear as long as they are loved. That is what they respond to.

    When will mothers realise that being a good mother is not about what you look like on the outside (children and mothers included) but rather how much you invest in your child by caring for their needs and showing them how to be good human beings created for God’s glory.

    1. You are right to teach your child to not be defined by what he wears or what he has. There are more important things in life like love, happiness, joy, feeling safe. As long as you provide these things that’s what counts. We need money to function in this world but it’s not all we need. She most likely did what she did to make herself feel better about herself because even though she might seem to have it all she must be feeling inadequate in some way else she wouldn’t have felt the need to belittle someone else. Keep being the best mom you can be. That is all you can do

  21. I am utterly appalled that this woman not only thought she could judge a complete stranger but that she thought she could insult you as well. I just want to point out that money does not make people bitchy or rude, plain lack of manners does that. I know some wealthy people and they would never ever behave this way.

  22. one day her child will be filing for bankruptcy because he couldn’t understand the value of money or how to manage it, while your kid will be comfortable with what he has, because he has not maxed out his credit by buying flashy clothes/cars/gadgets.

  23. I actually feel sorry for that poor lady who seems to believe that money is everything! I mean i know some pretty wealthy ppl and at first glance u could never tell coz they prob shop at pep too… Its only miserable people who live off credit who could say such horrible stuff and infront of ur kid nogal. Either that or she has a small time rich husband who does everything for her but is too busy with younger girls to give her attention so the only thing she can do in her past time is try to make others as miserable as she is. Im disgusted that in this day and age where we as woman should be standing together can be so bitchy, about nonsense even. As a single parent I know how hard it can be to make ends meet and even when things are good i still continue to buy what looks good instead of whats priced good! Keep on being the best u can coz ur kid will love u for it…

  24. We’ve all been frozen by the cruelty of a total strangers malice. I don’t blame you for not knowing how to respond. what makes me most mad is the fact that this creature spoke to your little one. It wasn’t enough that she was harassing you in public about something that was completely none of her business, she needed to drag your innocent little boy into her drama. Glad he seemed not to give a sh!t. Glad she lives a lavish life (picking out victims in the queue at pnp). I’m sure she’s having a swell time ensuring that total strangers (who otherwise would have looked right through her because she’s clearly nothing special) know shes made of money. Or credit. Or her husband is…. Well, who actually cares about her horrible a$$

  25. Hi do u know the factory that makes pep also makes edgars n truworths and mrp branded clothing hahaahaha to all who believe that brands are better cos its the same thing with different labels

  26. What this woman, who treated you terribly, fails to realize is that most of us live in the REAL world & that means living according to a budget. Most S.Africans do not have the means to shop at expensive chain stores & buy whatever they want, they buy what they can afford. When we had our 1st, money was very tight. We could only afford to shop at PEP & Jet. We hunted down specials & coupons from grocery stores in order to make ends meet. 3 kids down the line, with rather big age gaps between them & we can now afford to buy at more expensive clothing stores, but we don’t. It makes no financial sense to buy expensive clothing my toddler will be rolling in the mud in, staining with raspberries or outgrow in a matter of weeks. He isn’t going to remember what brands he wore, he is going to remember that he was comfortably dressed & was able to play & have fun. My older kids, who don’t grow out of their clothes as fast, save their (earned) pocket money for brand name shoes/clothes they like. Those who can afford brand name clothes for their kids & indulge in it, enjoy it. They are entitled to enjoy their money in whichever way they please, BUT those who use their upper financial status to make others feel bad about themselves? It’s a pity money can’t buy class or manners!

  27. I have 4 boys. With my eldest I couldn’t afford anything branded, and mostly I didn’t even have money for Pep. I bought tshirts on sale and painted little cars or scenes with him and his dad or me- he loved it! With the second I could afford better clothes but I still to this day buy 4 plain tshirts and 1 printed. My second thinks I loved the first more because I painted special shirts for him- go figure. Now I can afford any clothes I want and I STILL shop only sales and I STILL buy plain. They’re kids!! And she’s a royal b!tch!

  28. Oh my hat, we buy off the sales rack at PEP! Because we choose for me to stay at home. I’m super proud of the fact that my daughter’s current wardrobe is all hand me downs or gifts, from generous friends and family.

  29. Holy shit batman! I just visited in South Africa two weeks ago for a month and I have no idea how mother’s on a budget do it! The clothing is outrageously expensive! I was totally in love with all the little things at PEP and Ackermans but nearly fell off my chair when I looked at the prices. Being charged as much as an adult sized coat for a person growing at an exponential rate is nauseating and I will not be made to feel guilty by some unhappy snob with more money than sense. Her son might be standing there laughing at his mother’s bitchiness but he probably doesn’t like her very much. Our children love us for our good and kind hearts. People adore goodness and the very fact that you did not sink to her level of disgrace is a sure sign that you are going to be loved until the day that you are no longer your angels guardian. Well done and God bless. You are amazing!! -www.diarynovelblog.wordpress.com x

  30. I am disgusted at the comments made by a woman who clearly knows nothing about your situation. You’ve done yourself and your family proud.

    I regularly shop at Pep and other “low-end stores” for my teenage daughter, who has never once insisted on brand name clothes from designer stores. This is also not because I cannot afford it but from early on I’ve told her that clothes are only functional items and if she wants designer wear then she must use her own money to purchase them (and they are very reluctant to part with their hard earned pocket money for expensive clothes!).

    Please continue to do the great job you are doing for your boys!

  31. You are a great mom. Never doubt yourself because of bullies. You had a great time with your son, made new memories and bonding with Monster is all that matters.

  32. I was at Mr P last year, buying winter clothes for both my girls, and my little one (6/7 months old) was whinging because I had a coat hanger that she wanted, and when I wouldn’t give it to her she wanted to be picked up, which I couldn’t do either because my arms were full and I knew she wasn’t in any type of distress – and I was chatting to her the entire time. The next thing I know, this pregnant woman (what I call a “When-I” because she hadn’t had her kids yet) comes up to me, with red lipstick all over her teeth and says in a nasty, reprimanding tone “comfort your child. 5 minutes. It has taken you 5 minutes to pay attention to your child”. Just pick her up! (Just as a matter of interest she was only crying for about 2 minutes but anyway)…Like you, I was so taken aback and shocked, that I started explaining myself to her…also feeling humiliated and embarrassed and thinking I was doing something wrong. I was so upset that I went home and cried my eyes out. But you know what, I am a good Mom and I know this because my girls love me and always want to be around me. They are clean, fed, looked after and loved. And spoilt…with loads of attention. When I think about it now, I should have actually told her to bugger off and mind her own business, but at the time you just don’t expect someone to be 1) So nosey, 2) so confrontational and 3)…Quite frankly a nasty b***h.
    My only hope for her and her unborn child, is that baby did not suffer from colic because that Mommy would not cope with the crying.
    So to you Annimation Floe – You are an awesome Mom…and Mrs Moneybags is not worth your attention. anger or frustration.

  33. I am so sorry you went through such a painful experience.However do not allow that empty soul to drain you.You are a remarkable mother.Instilling great values in our children is more important than influencing them to be materialistic.Keep on going.We need mothers like you.

  34. What a shallow and revolting human being. Clearly money does not buy class and trashy people no matter how high they rise in life will remain trashy. My son is 12 and i stil buy his clothes from pep ( i would have bought my clothes from there to if the buyer had more taste and the ladies clothes wernt so darn ugly most of the time)Because he grows up and not out his clothes last him for around 1-2 years. I then give them to a struggling single mom of 3 tiny tots and they get another 2 or 3 years out of them before being passed on to other moms in her community. Speaks volumes about the quality. This woman has an ugly heart and i pray God will show her the errors of her ways. Keep your head up. Nothing goes unnoticed by God. Each tear is counted.

  35. No matter what amount of money u spend on ur children as long as they are cared for and warm and loved. Many people think money buys happiness. The sad part is what u are teaching your child is worth much more than the lesson that mother taught her teenager. She taught her teenager that life is about stuff and oneday when he is a grownup he might not have the luxury of a decent job and money. He is going to feel that he is not worthy to be loved by his own mother. Sad very very sad

  36. I can’t believe I am only seeing this post now… And I cannot believe how utterly furious it makes me!

    Let me just get this out of my system.. I hope she gets a cramp in her p*^%. People like that should not breed!

    Okay… Anyway, done with that. I am so sorry that you had to endure being bullied by that vile woman! Listen, I work in the fashion industry, I know what clothes cost and I know where they come from… Hence why I buy 90% of my kids clothes at PEP, Ackermans or Jet… I can afford to buy them clothes from woolies, Naartjie etc… But let me tell you a secret: they are all made in the same factories, using the same fabric and there is pretty much no difference in quality from a technical point of view. Plus, they will all have stains and holes in them after 24hours so why would you want to waste money buying a R200 t-shirt when you can buy a pack of 4 at good old pep? You are an amazing mom. That woman is a bully, a coward, and a pathetic human being for dragging your 4-year old son into such an pathetic attempt to make you feel less than.

  37. Oh my word what a disgusting thing to do to you in public. I take my hat off to you for holding your tongue. That woman is teaching her child the wrong things and needs a good slap. As long as your son is happy with his new clothes that is what counts not where they were bought. You are a much better mother than she is so be proud of that.

  38. WOW!!! So sorry this happened to you. I applaud your level of restraint, I would have probably punched her in the face. Where u choose to buy your child’s clothes is no one’s business but yours. Buying clothes at Earthchild, Naarjie and Keedo doesn’t make one better than someone who buys at Ackermans for instance. It is matter of personal choice really.

    And I happen to know all about strangers who butt in where they are not needed. Had a woman tell me to comfort my 6 month old at Clicks because he was crying according to her. What she failed to realise is my son is at an age where he likes the sound of his screaming voice. He screams for fun, I said scream not cry because it is exactly that. He screams at the top of his lungs and then giggle and do it some more. I was so pissed off I told her he wasn’t crying but playing, she insisted he was crying and that’s when I told her off.

    P.S: You are a great Mommy, Monster thinks so and that’s all that matters!

  39. Wow I just got angry as I read your post how dare she. But she can because she has low self esteem and needed to make someone else feel bad in order to make herself feel good. You seem like an amazing mom, your child is happy and growing and feeling loved. That is what matters how excited he is to see you and everything big or small that you get for him. You are a mother and you are raising an an amazing human being. You’ve done more than she will ever do. Let her go.

  40. Sorry to hear about your experience. That was terrible.
    Also, mind changing your wordpress background? I suffer from a colour issue with my eyes and the dotty theme plays havok while trying to read stuff. (You don’t “have” to change it… just letting you know)

  41. This is really something Anastasiya! I can’t believe such a bad people walk freely around the streets and shops and teach their kids such a behavior. I hope you are ok now and that your child has not been stressed about it much. Be strong!

  42. Wow, only read your post now. So sorry that you had to go through this. I also buy my kids clothes at PEP and Ackermans. I used to buy them one or two sets for spesial occations at Woolworths. Well, the expensive Woolworths demins got holes at the knees in less than 4 months while the cheap Ackermans denims are passed on to my other boys… Just to show that the amount of money you pay for an item does not always reflect on the quality or durability….

  43. Well done on you holding your composure. If anyone around that overheard you were decent adults, they would all be thinking exactly what I am thinking now, that you are a much bigger person and one with much more values than that woman will ever have. Excellent work on raising your kids with such high values as well and for showing your child that you don’t have to stoop down to other people’s low levels. One thing that would have ticked me off and would have spun me off into very straight forward replies was the woman talking to your child directly and demeaning you. To that I would have told her she has no right to talk to my child, and then told her directly to first teach her own children manners before trying to teach anyone else about priorities. And then I would have told her my child at 4 has more brains, and manners than her and her children put together. Sorry but I draw the line at someone directly mocking my child.

    Continue being the “Super-Mom” you are and teaching your child about respect, integrity and all the correct values.

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