Shared today is a dark yet truthful and eye-opening story by SM.
The post is anonymous as this is a very sensitive subject and not something talked about easily.
However, let’s use this opportunity to try and understand what it is like living with a person who struggles with a drug addiction. It’s not the party we are promised.
Here is SM’s story:
The disease of drugs is one of the worst things on this planet earth, in my opinion of course.
This is a subject so close to my heart, I wish it was not. But unfortunately, circumstances force you to pay attention to the things you have been ignorant of for years.
As a young person, in a small town somewhere you’ve never heard of before, buried away in trees, waterfalls and the weirdest weather on the planet earth, I have been affected by drugs. No, I did not do them myself, I am way too much of a wimp to ever have enough guts to try them. But someone very close to me was affected by it. And when you find out that a person you love has been controlled by addiction it makes you question things you thought to be true.
I know from personal experience that it does not just affect the addict himself/herself. It creates ripples, every person that knows and love the addict gets involved whether they want to or not.
When you find out someone has hidden such a big part of themselves from you, it makes you question each and every aspect of your relationship.
You wonder if every word, every touch, every little thing that has ever been between you has been a lie. A cover up life to disguise the illness that is so frowned upon by society. It breaks your heart thinking about memories that are now suspicions. The trust that you gave, you now see as foolishness. The guilt trip you put yourself on when you look back and ask yourself time and time again “Why didn’t I see it?”. It’s the manifestation of guilt, sadness, feeling of foolishness. And then your thoughts flow to the addict that you so clearly and dearly loved. Are they who they said they were. How could they do that to you?
And then the anger…
The anger is the worst part. Trying to understand why someone would do something to you. The living force of hate making its way through every aspect of your life. The anger that they ripped memories away and hung them on your own personal gallery of foolishness. To think that serious conversations were short lived for them and that all they were thinking about was their next hit, or maybe not even that. Just nothing….. You feel ashamed for not knowing. For being the victim of emotional manipulation. For lies. So, so many lies…..
But when the anger recedes, which it will. And you see an addict, breaking in front of you. You can feel their soul, their heart, every living cell in their body trying to get away from addiction. But they just can’t.
It reminded me of watching all those sad movies of cancer patients just waiting to die, knowing what lies ahead. Because they know, that their frail human bodies can not defeat the disease.
Addiction and disease are one in the same.
Except for the way society treats addicts. Society condemns addicts to the deepest, darkest corners of the earth. Children are forbidden to associate themselves with addicts. People look at an addict and think they are worthless. But what they do not realize is that an addict can be healed. If only society would give them the chance.
So after your own anger and guilt, you start noticing things you didn’t usually notice. The way people look at the person you love. The way they treat them. And all those emotions you had about your loved one comes rushing back stronger than ever. The only difference is you reflect it onto the rest of the world.
Sadness that they don’t understand. Then anger for society to condemning someone who has a disease, a full on disease, that can be healed if you gave it a try.
And eventually guilt…
For you realize that you were once just like those people…..
A little more about my Guest Blogger, SM:
I am a full-time Website Designer, and LOVING my job, but since I was young (Primary School), I gravitated towards Psychology. After taking two years to decide, I finally started my journey to live out my passion. Currently, I am enrolled at UNISA for Psychological counselling and aim to one-day work fin a rehabilitation centre for substance abuse addicts. I am currently working on starting a blog in the next few months, but it is proving to be a difficult task trying to juggle life with a full-time job and studies.
This post is one of the posts that I have written for my upcoming blog.