Introducing one of my fav and fab ladies, Luchae Williams, who blogs over at www.myspreadsheetbrain.co.za
Today she shares her story for the blog series “Once Upon a Time, I…” about being pregnant at a young age and trying to figure out her future and what lay ahead of her.
Today is also this lovely lady’s birthday! While you’re here, pop her a Happy Birthday message in the comments!
Here is Luchae’s story.
Once upon a time I found out I was pregnant. I was only 18 years old at the time and the thought of having another life to take care of freaked me out. I could barely take care of
myself. How could I be entrusted with another person’s wellbeing? My parents had been divorced for 2 years by then and the break down in their marriage caused me to take on the role of mom and dad, in my own life. I tried to parent myself, as crazy as that sounded. I had reached a point where I was not interested in getting help or assistance from anyone else, because I felt like I was the only person I could rely on. It was a story I told myself, as a way to justify the walls that I had slowly begun to build around me.
And then I found out I was pregnant.
It’s difficult to be pregnant and a teenager and self-reliant at the same time. You need people. You need family. You need love. I remember the day I told my mom that I was expecting. Well, I wouldn’t really call it “telling her” because I simply put a copy of the ultrasound scan into an envelope and slipped it under her door, while she was out. She did not speak to me for a week. I was okay with that. My own guilt and shame was all that I could handle at the time. When my mom’s hurt turned into anger, a few days later, I was okay with that too. I deserved it, didn’t I? I convinced her to share the news with my dad, because I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be like and I did not want to be around to witness it. Afterwards, mom said that the fury that we had expected did not come. Instead, there was only bitter disappointment. It made me long for the anger instead. I could handle that. I could handle being told that I was careless and irresponsible. I could handle being reminded that I had thrown my future away… anything besides the disappointment. It was a stark reminder of the high expectation that had always been put on me, as I excelled in high school and the arts. The disappointment showed signs that I was meant to do more… be more… be better.
Eventually the anger and disappointment subsided, as the weeks turned into months and my belly grew rounder and rounder. My small frame was completely overwhelmed by the bulge that I was no longer able to hide under baggy tops and I felt utter shame, as I walked to the shop for my grandma every day. People could see. They knew what I did. They were probably whispering about me, shaking their heads at dinner tables, talking about how bright my future was until I slipped up. I felt doomed for failure. You watch the news and see the statistics… the sad cases of unemployed, single, teen moms, who clean toilets for a living; for a pittance. Was I to be one of them? No. I could not accept it.
So I turned to God.
I mean, if He is the creator of the whole world, then surely He is the only one who could fix this, right? I needed fixing. In the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29, verse 11, He said that there was a plan for my life and that my future was bright and not doomed.
My future? Not doomed?
But I was going to have a baby! How could this be? The funny thing about the mind is that whatever you fix your mind on is what you become. I actually read that in Philippians, chapter 4, verse 8. It said to turn your thoughts to all that is good. And that’s what I did. My baby boy was born and he was perfect. I began to work hard to make a future for us. I grabbed every opportunity that I could get, studied hard, and applied myself to every job I found myself in (and some of them were pretty mundane).
Today I turn 33 years old and I can see the fruit of my labour. Every single promise that God has made me has come to pass. What was meant for my failure was turned into success. What I saw as a dead end was flipped around, leaving me with a world of possibilities and opportunities. My boy is 14 years old and is one of the most intelligent, confident young men that I know. He wants to be a chef. I am married to a wonderful man, who has a huge father’s heart and loves my boy as his own. What was meant to end me launched me into the best future that I could ever dream of. And today, on my birthday, I am so grateful for that.
Luchae Williams is a part-time blogger and full-time lover of the arts, her 3 kids, and her rockstar husband. Her blog at My Spreadsheet Brain is a tongue-in-cheek collection of stories and posts sharing all the stuff she learns as she navigates through life, one spreadsheet at a time.