Random Thoughts

Blog Series: SAHM vs SAHD – Namreen Sonday

Name: Namreen Sonday {Life and Times of the Fireflies}
Age: 33
Mother of Three. LEP_9050

1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?
No…It was something we discussed as a couple before, and also a conscious decision on my part. I must admit that even though it was my own choice, I struggled with feelings of ‘measuring up’ against my working mom counter parts and often felt a little inadequate and shy when people asked me what it is I do. I have since grown more confident in my choice and the role I play.

2. What was something about being a stay at home dad that surprised you?
How little time you have to yourself and how little you get done when having to care for a baby and toddler! One would assume that stay-at-home moms have the luxury of time but we actually don’t!

3. What is the hardest part?
Giving up a piece of my identity and losing myself in my role as a mother…I’ve had to re-find little pieces of myself that I lost along the way. In some ways it’s moulded a better ‘me’, but it was hard not recognising myself initially.

4. What is your favorite part?
Now that the kids are older, I realise how quickly time has passed. The favourite part for me is probably being present for all their milestones, not missing a thing of my children’s growth and development. And being able to stay in pyjamas on a week day!!

5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?
That I am capable. That I am strong. That a career does not define who I am.

6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}
I have never regretted my decision, although I sometimes felt embarrassed by it. I have come to realise, accept and embrace this role I have chosen. I am proud of my choice and feel liberated that I have an opportunity to decide my fate! This realisation is also tied with me finding my identity beyond motherhood. I am more than a mother even though I don’t have a career.

7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?

8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?
I fell pregnant pretty quickly after marriage. So I can’t say our relationship has changed.

9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?
To be honest; maybe some fleeting moments when the kids were younger and I had a rough day. I don’t have those feelings anymore.

10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?
Yes, I do.

11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?
The bulk of the commitment falls on me, but I have help so I don’t feel too frazzled about it. When hubby comes home in the evening, I have trained him well to help and contribute to the little things 😉 This way we get done quicker and I have more time for him…so he gains from sharing the evening chores! LOL

12. Do you think that only moms should be stay-at-home parents?
Absolutely NOT! Everyone has a different strength and gender shouldn’t define the roles we play in family dynamics. Couples should focus on who is better for the job, and sometimes Dads can be better at being a stay-at-home parent.

13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?
I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to demand anything from another person in general. It is the quickest route to conflict and problems. As humans, we should be free to decide for ourselves. Just as I would never be able to juggle work and parenting; some people need the freedom to work in order to be better parents. These decisions are our right and should be respected. Nothing should ever be demanded.

14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?
Make sure it’s your decision and make time for yourself! Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean sacrificing your identity. Find a balance between your role and who you are…

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