Random Thoughts

In High School, I was….

… a loser.PicsArt_11-23-12.54.52.jpg

Yep, I’m admitting it. I was a nobody.
I didn’t even have proper friends. I moved around through different groups, trying to find where I belonged. I didn’t stick by any group for longer than three months.

The longest time I stuck in one group was almost a year. And I hated it. Every day. The first few weeks were fine because I was part of the popular group for a change.

See, I started dating a jock {sort of a jock}. I was happy with this guy. For a very long time.

His name was Shane and he was my first serious boyfriend. So yeah, it was a pretty big deal for me. Apart from everything else I just mentioned, he was a jock and he hung out with other jocks. They were all seen as the cool kids at our school.

“Back in the day, I was convinced of this as well. Today I can’t see what I saw in the group that had made them so special.”

Now with the jocks in place, we bring in the Barbie Dolls.We had three of them. As if one wasn’t enough to fill up our school, they gave us three to “rule” the school. They kind of reminded me of the three chicks from Mean Girls; Regina, Gretchen and Karen. Bitches and backstabbers. The only difference was that they were all Bottle Blonds. As much as every girl in High School hated them, they also wanted to secretly be them! Exactly as in the movie, right?

Unfortunately for me, I was spending every day with these girls. Because I was dating a jock, it meant I had to hang out with these girls. In the beginning, it was easy ignoring them. They always spoke about the same things, so it was easy to block out anything they said. But after a while, it started getting irritating because it felt like a loop, playing over and over.

I never spoke to Shane about it because I was happy with him and I knew they were part of his group of friends. The only thing that sucked was that when Shane wasn’t at school, I wasn’t part of the cool kids. Yep, just like that, I was an outcast. It hurt at the time because it meant I ended up wandering around at break times as I had no one else to hang out with.

When Shane broke up with me {he left me for his ex}, I wasn’t welcome in the group anymore. Most of the cool kids now passed by me without talking to me or even realizing that I exist. The Bottle Blonds completely ignored me. I’m pretty sure they even discussed me more behind my back then than what they did while I was part of the group.

So yeah, I went back to being on my own again. I was roaming around again, trying one group to the next with no luck finding one I belonged to.

Eventually, I started hanging out with a crazy bunch. I fitted in with them because they didn’t fit in either. “That sounds really bad, but it’s not meant in a bad way.”

So I finally had a group where I felt like I belonged. It was great! Somewhere in my heart I was reassured that I wouldn’t be finishing High School as a complete loser.

Sadly enough, today, I don’t see anyone from my old group anymore. I have most of them on my Social Media Platforms, but I don’t feel the need to keep track of what is happening in their lives. We outgrew each other when we finished High School, each going their own way. There’s no shame in that. It’s sad but eventually we move away from things we knew and we find new things to take their places. That’s how life works. Nothing really stays a constant.

One thing I’ve learned about High School though is that once it’s over, no one cares if you were popular or pretty or skanky, or even a nobody.

After High School, no cares about any of these things. You have a chance to be whoever you want to be.

2 thoughts on “In High School, I was….

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