life

Flapping Ovaries


Ovaries

I have been feeling broody for almost a year now. I know I’m ready for another baby. I want another baby.

With the suspected pregnancy from a few weeks back, I want another baby even more. It’s like my whole mindset shifted to thinking I was pregnant. Of course, when I found out I wasn’t, I was devastated but I couldn’t shift the emotions & thoughts out of my mind about how badly I wanted to be carrying a baby again.

Majority of the ladies that I know are expecting right now. Two in every five are pregnant, & these are just the ones from the Rugby Club. Most of them are expecting their second bundles of joy & one of them has been blessed with twins {she already has two}. Although some people’s paychecks might not agree with it being a blessing {financially speaking}.

By all means, I’m happy for them. It’s a joy to be expecting, to know that you are growing a human being inside your tummy. It’s all you. I’m at the stage where I want to feel like that again. I want to feel the baby moving in my stomach. I want to feel the anticipation of counting down from weeks to days until you meet your baby face to face. Nothing feels better during pregnancy than feeling content with your mind, body & your baby.

Unfortunately, as ready as I am to have another baby, our bank accounts disagree with that idea. Even with our {that’s Byren’s & mine} salaries combined, we won’t be able to afford another baby in our lives at this moment in time. Until we have sorted out a portion of the debt on our names, I don’t think it would be wise bringing in another baby. When we’re sure we’ll be able to cover everything from doctor appointments, to the labor, to the care of the baby onwards, we’ll then try for another one. There will be fewer worries standing in our way. I don’t want to have to go through all the stress we had with Monster. No mother {and father} needs to through such stress over finances. It takes the focus away the joy of expecting the baby & enjoying every moment.

We had a lot of help when Monster was born; a few friends were there for us supporting with necessities & even groceries for our home. My mom was a life-saver. She helped with medical costs, clothes, diapers, formula milk & even food for us to live on. Next time around I want to be sure we’re financially stable so we don’t have to rely on others again, {even though I’m sure my mom will be there to help again}. I don’t want others providing responsibility that is mine. I want to make sure that my responsibilities stay my own when we bring another baby into our world.

My hopes are high for another child. I told Byren a few times that I want another child before I turn 27. That leaves me with four years. I’m sure we’ll be ready by then. Although I’m hoping I can fall pregnant again before 25. Which leaves me with less than two years! I still want to be young when I have all my children. In the future, I’ll have more time for them in my life & even my grandchildren {one day}.

I’m hanging onto this idea. An idea that seems far from my mind, but close to my heart. Until then, my ovaries may keep on flapping every time I see pregnant women & mom’s with newborns.

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