parenting

Grow a Pair


man-up-and-grow-a-pair-1

I take my hat off to all the single mom’s that raise their kid(s) on their own. I don’t know how you do it. Honestly.

I’m married, we have a son & I still find it hard to get through some days. Then I read blogs of single women conquering the world as well as raising children at the same time. This makes me stop & think, {What the fuck am I doing wrong?}.

Sad part is I’m alone for at home for three evenings. Byren coaches Rugby on those evenings, leaving me to cook, clean, sort Monster out & still find some time for myself. I still can’t get through the process smoothly. So I probably wouldn’t make it as a single mom.

Call me a bitch, but I’m strict on the times that Byren gets home on those nights. I expect him to put in effort in his parenting roles as well. It’s fun to make the baby & all, but with that fun comes responsibility. Most of the men at the rugby club are single & carefree. There are no responsibilities awaiting them at home; no wives to nag at them, no children to raise. So they spend a lot of time drinking & going home in the morning hours. There are a few men who have wives & families. The wives, unlike me, don’t have a problem with this. {I have a big fucking problem with it.} 

They have accepted this ‘arrangement’ because their husbands have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s a normal routine so why does it need to be changed? Right? Wrong! How can you let your husband rather drink with his buddies than spend time with his family? Byren use to come home when Monster was already long asleep. He would literally see him the next morning for about an hour before school & then only the next morning again. Is this considered normal? I think not. That’s when I put my foot down. Only one in those three evenings is he allowed to stay out an hour later; only an hour. If he isn’t home in that hour, I phone him. Call me nagging, needy & controlling. I don’t care. What’s fair is fair.

I don’t go out. I have one girls night once a month, even then I don’t drink or forget I have a home. None of that. I’m still responsible & I respect Byren’s wishes. Just the same, I expect him to respect mine.

Now when I talk about ‘growing a pair’, it’s for someone specific. I don’t know how this marriage works. I don’t. It’s probably not my place to judge, yes; but some things are not acceptable.

We’ll call this man Martin. Martin & his wife, Shelly, have been married for nine years {I think}. They have a son, Jason, who is turning three. Martin drinks a lot. I have never seen him not drinking in the two years that I know him. Never. Martin will drink around his wife & son, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They travel in separate cars, because when Shelly is tired, she can leave with Jason. Martin doesn’t go with. He stays to.. Yep, drink. I remember an occasion, think it was still on Monster’s birthday last year. The family arrived in one car. At about 23H00, Shelly was tired, Jason was asleep but Martin wasn’t done yet. She went to sleep next to Jason in one of the bedrooms. At about 02H00, finally Martin decided he wanted to go home because there was some sort of argument that broke out. No consideration for his wife or son. Now, Shelly is pregnant with a little girl. I wonder if Martin will man the fuck up & actually care? He’ll post things on photo’s of Facebook about love & {blah blah blah}. His actions are different though. Actions are truth.

I’m sorry. I would NOT let my husband do that to me. Child or no child. There is respect & responsibility. He has neither.

Oh yes, this is the same guy that I mentioned in this post a while back – Asshole Award

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Grow a Pair

  1. Don’t give yourself such a hard time. I’m a single mum and it has benefits that you haven’t co sidered which make my life easier. I don’t have to cook, wash or clean for another adult which actually saves a lot of time. I don’t have to clean up bedore my husband comes home or any of those other stories I hear around the traps. I think many married women are a lit like single mothers in many ways, especially those whose hubbys work away or work long hours or go out at night 3 times per week like your husband does. Life is nevwr as it seems and I’m sure if you were in the unfortunate situation to be a single parent at any point that you’d do a cracker of a job. 🙂

    1. Awh thank you! Really makes me feel better! Sometimes I just wanna run away from everything & lie in a field of flowers, forget about reality for just a moment. Surely that would be fair?
      But you are right, an extra adult it a lot more work than a kid!

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

  2. I understand where you’re coming from and that you are venting but I’m sure Martin has always been Martin and Shelly chose him as her husband so she shouldn’t be surprised. Men will never be like women. Single or not the woman will always carry the responsibility more than the man. All of this nagging and complaining just makes you seem like his mom and will eventually cause the marriage to fail. People don’t like to feel obligated, restrained and controlled in their relationships. That’s why people start to resent one another. Part of him changing means you have to change as well. I find myself guilty as well nagging my husband but I’ve noticed it only makes things worst. It is good to communicate and tell him how you feel but in the end you have to accept him for who he is. If you don’t like it maybe hes not the one. Best of luck to you beautiful.

    Love,

    Erika

    1. It’s not about changing someone but there are boundaries to how people behave in a relationship. Byren, my hubby, actually understands my point & realized how much time he loses out on with our son. He now makes the effort to be home on time because he knows how much time he loses. And I have changed for him. In many ways. I didn’t say it wasn’t a two way street. But I also changed for my family, putting my priorities in place. There is no question to anything being wrong with that. Yes, women do have more responsibilities but it doesn’t excuse a man from his?

      As for Martin & Shelly. He wasn’t like that when they met. He changed over time. When I asked her about it she just shrugged & said that she doesn’t bring it up anymore as he doesn’t listen. I can still see the hurt in her every time. So of course it’s a problem for her, but he doesn’t help to resolve the problems. What more can she do?
      I’m not interfering in their marriage in any sense. I just wouldn’t stay in a marriage for the rest of my life if I’m not happy. Sacrifice comes from both sides. I was just lucky enough that Byren understood where I’m coming from.

      Hope you understand..
      Thanks for the comment 🙂 Enjoy your day.

      1. I understand my dear & i could agree with you more. I’m glad you were so blessed to find such a wonderful man. May God bless you and your family. ❤

Share Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s