There are some days when I stop to think, how did I get so far in life without losing a finger or a foot.
Yesterday was the day of total clumsiness for me. I had two very bad situations, one calls for embarrassment & the other for wonder.
A few weeks ago, I ordered some rings online & when I received my order, some of the rings were a little big for my fingers, “I tried them on each one!’. Not overly big but I needed to make sure that if I’m flinging my arms around in conversation, I had to keep my fingers pressed together to keep them from flying away. There. You now have the background story.
Yesterday, whilst at work, I made the occasional visit to the
little gentleman’s ladies room as nature called. As I was just about to pull the flush lever, my ring oh so beautifully slipped off my finger (kind of like Cinderella gliding out of the ball when midnight struck) & SPLASH. In. The. Toilet.
FOS!!! This is translated to Freak Out Session. What the fuck now?
So now I’m left standing, thinking “sink or swim”… Swim in this context would be ‘saving’ the ring/swimming to shore. My first thought was sink. Reluctantly I pulled on the lever & felt my heart sinking as well. “It was such a nice ring!” Once the commotion was over, the ring just lay there on the bottom, evilly mocking me like “I’m still here!”
My second thought was ‘swim’. Lucky there are very handy throw away sanitary plastic somethings in the cubicles. So I pulled one over my left hand & while singing my happy song in my head, I reached into the toilet. It was so gross, even if the water didn’t touch my skin. The action was already a disgust. I pulled out the ring, beaming! “SAVED!”
Then I didn’t know what to do with it. I wasn’t going to touch it with my other hand. I wasn’t throwing it back in the toilet after what I had just done! – Internal cringe from the memory.-
So I took another plastic something & threw it inside the bag. Then gently I pulled the left hand ‘glove’ off as a Doctor would after performing a successful operation. “Hollywood has set a very high standard of perfection.”
Now the funny part is this: on Friday I showed my friend Carisa this video at work. It’s based on a true story. Basically the woman has a one night stand with a man, sleeps over. Before he leaves his house, he tells her to make herself at home before she leaves & to leave her number, also mentions that the door will lock behind her. He leaves & she freshens up a little, then has a little NR. 2 incident. The toilet blocks up. So she eventually put her little ‘package’ in a white plastic bag & as she is about to leave, she writes down her number. As she walks out of the apartment with a beaming smile, the door shuts & she realizes that she left her package right next to the number. Now imagine, with this picture in your head, Carisa’s reaction when she see’s me walking into the office with a little plastic bag in my hand… I’ll leave you with that thought on this subject.
The ring is now busy disinfecting in a bowl at home – for the next month!
So then last night, our friend Tjaart came over for dinner so I prepared to make a 4-star dinner. I made some Veggie Bake with garlic cream sauce, & while it was in the oven, some of the sauce boiled over the top so my house smelled of burnt milk. Finally, the bake was ready & I put in the pork chops next.
Everything was hunky-dory until the burnt sauce in the over SOMEHOW caught fire. Yes, I managed to SOMEHOW light my oven on fire. Have you ever experienced something like this? Let me tell you. I found it very funny. I was canning myself, not really so much that my house could be on fire next, but the idea that I lit the oven on fire!!! There’s me standing in the living room, giggling, while Byren is trying to kill the fire with a cloth (not a very good idea) then with water. Yes, throwing water into a hot oven. He switched it off at least. Tjaart was having fits of silent giggles behind him. All I was doing, looking bewildered & wondering how I survive each day.
Special Annie is….. Special.
Needless to say, dinner was still a success. The night ended with us all eating dinner in a living room with a cloud of smoke hanging above our heads. Sort of a twist to a normal evening in our lives, no?