There’s just that one thing that happens, maybe once a day, that makes you think, “Shit, I am a bad mama.”
Yep, today was my day. One of the very few I experience actually! I have a lady who collects Monster from school every day & brings him home as traffic & the hour I leave work, results in my kiddo being the last one at school, 2 hours after all the kids have already gone home. So we had to compromise a little on finances & find a way to get him home.
Usually, I let this lady buy Monster’s things that he needs or is about to run out of. Kind of like running my son’s errands & being his “personal assistant”!
Monster had six nappies left in his bag this morning so I thought, I’ll put my bank card in his school bag & when she picks him up, she can just pass the shops & pick up some nappies. Instead, I forgot to put the card in the bag. So I thought ‘Plan B’, pay over the amount into her bank account & then she still has the money to buy the needed item.
Since we are at different banks, you need to clear pay the amount so it transfers directly into the account. I checked the option & for some or other reason, it didn’t go through directly & will only reflect in her account tomorrow morning. & I’m sitting with the dilemma of my last money for the month swimming around in the bank-sewer & my son will not have nappies left by tonight.
Yes, I am a bad mother. I didn’t think ahead, & my forgetfulness cost me higher complications. I can’t take an advance at work, as I already took one this week Monday, & Byren can’t take an advance at his work, as it’s pay day for him is tomorrow. All I’m thinking off, my child’s basic need isn’t being fulfilled. I suck at parenting – I robbed my son of his basic needs! I can’t explain how guilty I’m feeling right now. A failure? Yes. Me. & I can’t even defend myself because in all fact, I did fuck up.
I could have saved the shame & complications if I had thought ahead this morning & just placed the card in Monster’s bag. Hitting my head against the wall is still a fair punishment.
Lucky for me, one of my friends agreed to help me out! Thank goodness for good friends & understanding.
As for me, I hope this guilt eats away at my heart so I don’t dare make the same mistake again!