parenting

Tantrum Explosions


This is the Life

Parenting is not easy. I have proof of wrecked nerves & short tempers to justify my case.

You would really expect that after a day at the office; you come home & there are hopefully no tantrums. That was not the case last night.
It took Monster over an hour to eat his food. AN HOUR! Do you know how much I can achieve in an hour before bedtime? So I was irritated with the fact that 1.)He has wasting my time & 2.) He was throwing tantrums in his feeding chair.

I have patience, really I do. Just last night something snapped in me. I became so frustrated, I actually started crying.
It’s the strangest thing. During the weekend, he isn’t naughty. When I say naughty; he still takes chances but there are no tantrums & high-pitched screaming. The Monday night when he comes home from school it starts. I suppose he picks it up from the older kids at school & mimics them. There is nothing I can do to stop that. “Monkey see, monkey do.”

So last night after eventually forcing him to eat (if he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep through the night), we told him that there would be no play time – just bath & straight to bed. I know he understands exactly what I say. Parents underestimate the genius in their kids. They might not be able to respond back to what you said, but they know very well what you are talking about.

So I put him in his bed, after a whole tantrum session of dressing after the bath. *Counts to 20* There was no sleep. Crying & throwing literally everything out of his cot to prove his point – he wants to be taken out. Eventually, after about 30min, “I couldn’t stand it any longer”, I took him out & placed him on my lap. I didn’t switch the lights on or take him out of his room. I held him to me & said the following in a gentle voice, “My angel. You were naughty & you didn’t listen to Mama & Dada. We had to punish you. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love you. This is the way that we need to learn to understand one another & know when enough is enough.” He stayed in my arms for a few more minutes; we just sat in silence with me rocking him on my lap. I kissed him on the forehead, told him I loved him & that he must “sleep sweet”. Then I put him back in his cot & to my relief, 15min later he was fast asleep.

I just didn’t think that a human of such small proportions could upset a person so much! I mean how much power they really hold in their hands!
I didn’t think it was going to get better. Small kids – small problems. Big kids… You get my point. Monster is still a small kid so I guess I need to prepare myself for a whole lot of other problems. It sure as hell won’t be getting any easier.

Do you get those days when you just want to throw your hands up in the air & leave the room? Any advice on how to handle the situations better?

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5 thoughts on “Tantrum Explosions

  1. Ouch! I’ve had many days like that… In fact, it’s funny you say he only does it on school days – I had exactly the same with my oldest (now 3). For the longest time I thought he was copying the behaviour of horrible children at nursery that screamed and had meltdowns over everything and then I finally realised it wasn’t that at all – it was the fact that he was a) angry at me for leaving him and b) he desperately wanted to “make up” the missing time, which he did by being a little monster and trying anything and everything to keep hold of my attention. In the end I settled on spending non-stop time with him after pick-up, playing down on the floor with him, etc. I let everything else wait on the sidelines after picking him up, until after he was in bed, and it really helped the crazy behaviour.
    I think your bedtime cuddle was exactly what Chase needed. You’re doing a great job! X

    1. I’m glad to know there are others that have been there & survived! I feel so bad punishing him sometimes, because he gives me this hurt & accusing look, I can see the hurt in his eyes & the guilt flows through me. But at the same time I’m thinking, “I’m doing this for his own good, right?”

      I try & curve my evening routine so I invest more time to spend on him. Goodness knows how unfair parenting is.. You have a child, but our lifestyles are crazy, we are deprived of precious time!

  2. My oldest two are 6 and almost 4. When they feed off of each other and I get irritated at it all, I simply say that Mommy needs a time out. More often than not, they pout, and give me a few minutes to chill out. The last time I had a “time out” my hubby was home, so I went to the front porch, the breeze calms me down. Our youngest son came to sit with me. After I cool off, I return with hugs and we talk about what went wrong and how we can avoid another situation like that.

    1. It was raining by us last night, that I even considered stepping outside to cool off in it. Although I won’t be helping anyone if I’m sitting with a cold then next week. Will make matters even worse…
      I see that talking to your child(ren) helps after a period following the punishment so that they too can understand what happened & why you were busy losing it. I just wish they could already understand that what they are doing to us, their kids will probably be doing to them 🙂
      Spare us… 🙂

  3. I’ve been in your shoes with frustration and confusion. It is horrible place to be. Boys are very sensative. They need lots of cuddle time, play, and kisses from mommy. Little children don’t do things to make us mad. They just don’t have any other way of expressing thier emotions.

    When one of my children is doing something that I don’t find enjoyable, like throwing a temper tantrum I ask myself these questions.

    1. Has he/she had enough sleep?
    2. Has he/she experienced something physicaly or imotionaly painful of which I am un aware?
    3. Is he/she hungry or lacking the proper nutrition for today?
    4. Has he/she not been outside, or not able to power out the constant flow of energy?
    5: Have I looked him/her in the eyes today and really listened/communicated to/with him/her?

    I try to meat these needs before taking any other action. If all is fine and the behavior is comming because I said no to something he/she really wants then I do the following…
    1. I state the reason for the no.
    2. I remind myself that a ‘no’ is a hurt to the soul, my child feels it deep within his/her bones.
    3. I acknowledge his/her feelings with a statement such as. ”You really want that candy right now don’t you? Are you sad that I said no? (Or) Are you angry that I said no?
    the smaller the child, the smaller the sentence… to a two year old, ”You’re mad. I know.”
    4. I remind myself that staying clam is the best way to go.
    5. I remind myself that allowing my child to experience the hurt of a ‘no’ and living through it will help him/her become a stonger person. Stronger because he/she will have learned that
    a. ‘no’ is not the end of the world. and
    b. mommy can handle my emotions, she loves me even when I scream and yell. and
    c. by not punishing emotions, my child learns that it is ok to express emotions. and
    d. with time tempertantrums will happen less if my child learns to express his/her emotions throw words.

    Then it becomes a matter of helping choose the right words, and not just name calling when he/she is sad. The work doen’t get harder or bigger it is just different as the children get older. I hope this helps. Have anice day..

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